The heartbreak blog

Day 3 of project breakup. This one is fresher than fresh. I am lying on our bed in our room as I type this and I am out of my mind with grief. No one can tell me anything that can make me feel better. Crying constantly has become the new normal. There is a constant drizzle outside that perfectly matches up with my emotional state. I'm staying with friends but he's gone this weekend so I decided to come here to see the cat and pretty much just freak out and get it all out of me. I looked around at the room we rearranged together. Read the lyrics of some breakup songs that he wrote. Collapsed on the bed and sobbed through cries of "No...no no!" Smelling him on the pillow the entire time. I don't want to break up. I'm not ready to give up. All I want is him. I can't see out of this darkness. We were so happy. He told me he really did want to marry me once. But now he feels trapped. I know there is probably no changing of his mind, but what can I say? I'm devastated. All I want is to be with him still. He swears to me he has nothing else going on but it's hard to understand then why he's just over it. I don't have the love of my life anymore, and I don't even have a place to call home. I am sadder than sadder than sadder than sad. I don't want to break up.