Thursday, October 16, 2008
just trying to live.
So Mercury is finally out of retrograde which I guess means now it's heading in the right direction and all the miscommunications, and other bumpy areas we've been experiencing for the past few weeks should be getting noticeably smoother from here until the end of October. I still feel like I want to hide inside until then but I am also antsy to get back out there and start having fun. I've been doing a bit of introspective thinking and I worry that I'm not aware of how I'm affecting people sometimes. Especially when I'm affecting them in a negative way. It's tricky because of course I don't mean anyone any harm but it's possible I've been way wrapped up in my own shit lately. Even just tonight coming home on the L train the lady sitting next to me yelled at me. She said I kept hitting her with my hand while I was reading my newspaper. She was probably right and it probably was a little annoying but I also don't think I deserved to be yelled at for it. We all have our bad days and I have to say I've had my fair share of them lately. I guess what I have a problem with is being made to feel like a bad person. I'm willing to take responsibility for the fact that my head has been in a fucked up place lately and I have not been at my best, but it's also nice to know that your friends can recognize what you are going through and try to be understanding.
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Hang in there Holly. Everything happens for a reason and that reason will soon enough arrive. Look forward to it. Always remember that we loose things so that we can make room for better things in life. It's out of our control most of the time. There is a greater force that constantly shapes our path. I used to want to destroy myself when a break up would happen, or when bad energy grabbed a hold of me. I am now mature enough to see the reasons why. I embrace them. So I move on because it's all about evolution, it's all about improvements in our lives. It's for you, it's for him, it's for all of us. So next time you're on the subway and a person screams at you. Say thank you with a smile. Next time you see your last man, say thank you with a smile and mean it. Be true to your self. Keep it real and open the door as if every negative thing is waiting for you outside. Just be ready to face the world with a true beautiful smile and a thank you. You will soon see all their faces change because they will then realize that no one has the power to destroy you and no one has the power to control this force. Love and peace always - Albert
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